Hello there my lovely witches and goblins! It is nothing special, extreme or not even magickal enough for some of you probably, but for a witch (me) suffering (suffering? I hate this word. Let’s say battling or living) with depression these are some practical things that really work (at least for me). I want to disclaim that I am no doctor and I am not encouraging any of you to stop taking your meds or going to your therapies (they are priceless and the meds are sometimes the best way to stay alive and give yourself a fighting chance). I just wanted to share some things that help ME in moments of down. Let’s start! Continue reading
This is a blog post, transferred from my previous blog site.
So here I am again with a cup of coffee and a lot of stuff on my mind. Weird things happened on this Imbolc and I am still a bit in the dark about what it actually was. As many of you who know me are aware of, that I am very close to the Fae – I can sense them, hear them and see them. And on the 2nd of February there was a lot going on. So much energy in the air it was crazy!
I know a lot of people in this world live with mental illness. I don’t like to say suffer. It makes it sound like we are victims, slaves to it. And we literally are living with it. It’s like that annoying person that keeps calling your number, trying to sell you their vacuum cleaner because without it your life isn’t worth living. We all know it’s a lie but it still makes us think “What if it’s true? What if I really do need it? My life possibly is a mess without it…” That’s how depression works, it lies to you. ALL THE TIME. It’s a pathological liar, that’s what it is, and it’s constantly criticising you. Anxiety is friends with depression, except that anxiety is the bully. Continue reading
So I know that I don’t seem to get writing and posting on my blog a regular thing. I’ve been struggling with this for….well forever. Life sweeps me off my feet, or anxiety does. I can’t even believe it’s been two months since I’ve posted. My last post is dated 8th of January. The day after that I lost a person in my life to a untimely death. He was 15. It crushed me in every way possible and still does. I cannot wrap my mind around it. I can’t feel him in spirit. I can’t find hope to see him again some day. I would like to. But I can’t. I just hurt and despair. I laugh at little things in everyday life. I read. I work a lot. I distract myself in every way possible, but in the end of the day it still hits me in the guts. My insides curl up in a knot and I can’t breathe. That is the truth. Is there any point to this life if we are just gone in the end like that? Is there any point in being happy with someone, when in reality there is a very real chance that they might be gone just like that in any second in any day? It is difficult to be happy when all you can think about is losing the people you love every single day. It’s ridiculous because I seem to mourn people while they are still here. I want to make the best of it while I still have the chance but I can’t shake the fear, the anxiety. I regret every second I got mad at my mom or rushed a lunch date with my family. I regret every time I pulled out my phone when I was having coffee with a friend. I regret every evening I hurried to bed instead of making love. I regret every day I spent imprisoned inside by my anxiety. I regret all the relationships that fell apart because of that. I guess some things just had to happen the way they did. That little kid tought me the hardest lesson in my life. I’ve lost people before, but it was never like this. Never completely unexpected and heart breaking. As a witch I feel like I am failing at this. I wish I got to feel him in spirit. I wish I was calm and totally reassured that he is not just gone, but somewhere better. As someone who delved in the shadow and darkness of the craft all my life more than in the light, I should know how to accept this. I should be able to just call up Ms. Death for a cup of coffee and have a chat about it just like I did with people I lost before. But this one… I just can’t accept this one. I hate her for this one. And as I say this I realize that I don’t. I just can’t admit to myself that she did him a favor. That he was more sick every day, every year of his little majestic life. I can’t seem to accept that he fulfilled his purpose in this world. He made us see how abundant you can be with so little. How a light can be found in the darkest days. I just wish he had better circumstances in a next life because he deserved it. He really damn did. I hope that he knows how much we loved him. I hope that he didn’t feel alone when it happened. I hope that he passed with ease. I hope that he’s mocking me somewhere right now for being a crybaby. I loved that kid. I really did.
I love you you little twat. Come visit sometimes. Please ❤
I am happy to participate in the 31 of tarot challenge, hosted by Ethony of the Tarot Readers Academy. In the previous years I have only watched the videos and posts others made on this challenge, but this year I am excited to participate in it for the first time myself as well. I do not have a youtube channel (I might some day), so I will participate in a more verbal way, through my blog. If any of you are interested in participating in this challenge, everything about it is on this page 31 days of tarot. I love how things like this bring the tarot community together and helps us share different perspectives and ways we view the cards and their meanings and using different decks, allowing us to explore works of different artists as well. So let’s get to it! (I’m a day late anyway!)
Day one is tarot reading on the energy or major lesson of the year 2018. For this I used the Morgan Greer tarot, just because I felt like it matched my energy best at this time. As I said in the previous post – I did not want to do heavy spreads using a lot of cards for this yearly reading, so I went with a simple three card reading to just give me a general feel of 2018 energy and vibe. I drew a card for body, mind and spirit.
So I got 9 of cups for the body, the Hermit for the mind and the Page of cups for the spirit. It seems to me that overall this brings the energy of rediscovering myself, through my thoughts and my emotions. There will be a lot of work and goals achieved regarding the body but I feel mainly through accepting myself and letting go of judgement. Letting myself be as I am and loving myself with all my health issues and “non ideal” body features. All in all – I will love my but and be proud to show it off, no matter the size of the jeans I’m wearing. The mind is the Hermit, but my mind is the hermit most of the time anyway so this will not be very new, but perhaps deeper. I will go through old thought patterns, learning about my mind, about some behavioral issues that can be rewired and done better. A LOT will be going on internally, in my mind, thinking through things that don’t serve me anymore and letting them go. Parenting my mind and my ego, so I can let my inner spirit child evolve and show up more. With the Page of cups for spirit this makes perfect sense. The spirit will come into my life this year in a form of childlike innocent energy, allowing space for learning new things and healing. I love it 🙂
Hello my dear munchkins!
I wish you the most beautiful beginning of the new year. I hope you had a lovely evening either partying with good friends, or just staying cozy under the blankets at home. I wish all of you all the best and I hope for 2018 to be only better than 2017. It probably started with new years resolutions, making plans, goals for the coming year, projects and this big chunk of exhausting duty to “getting better”. But you know what, I think we need to breathe a bit more and let ourselves be at peace. You are perfect. Love yourself. Step into this year with a breeze under your wings, not with resistance and with your feet dug deep into the ground trying to force your own way. It is going to be marvelous. It already is. This moment is magical. You are alive. You fought many battles and yet here you are still. It is a blessing. Close your eyes. Breathe in. Breathe out. Life is good.
I must say I almost felt release when I woke up on the morning of January 1st. The tension was gone. Path was open and clear. We get to decide upon a new way of life every morning, not just this one. We get to choose our response to life around us. Marvelous. As every year my mind was overflown with ideas about spreads and things to use in my card readings to help me open up the map of this year. But still, no big ideas. I didn’t even feel like doing “big” things. I wanted small, simple, relaxed, flowy. I will do one card per month spread just to get the bigger picture, and draw one card as the focus for the year. That’s it. Nothing more.
I also got the idea from Elyse (Wildmoon woman) to calculate my numerological tarot card for this year and I got the World and the Empress, so this year will be all about expansion for me. Traveling, success, movement and dynamic living, maybe perhaps even children. But in any case there will be a lot of fruition, a lot of results from past projects finally showing, a lot of fulfillment. It feels good and I am excited about it. I feel like it will be a good year. A lot of focus on me and my personal and spiritual growth, nurturing and feminine connection. Honoring the sacred feminine ❤
As the new year has started I would also like to let you guys know that I am offering tarot readings to help you map out your year ahead and get ready for bigger events in your life this year. As a gift from me to you, I am offering a free one card reading to all of you who are subscribed to my blog and/or have purchased a reading from me before. I will pick one card for you as a yearly focus card, to help you summarize the energy of the year to come.
I wish you a beautiful week. ❤
Well the moment has come when I have realized that I basically have no life. What that means for me is I am spending way too much time on social networks, time that is not constructive, randomly scrolling into the abyss of nothingness. Then you look at the clock and realize that you are literally wasting your life away, not even knowing what the hell you were doing on facebook all that time. It’s not like you’ve done something productive. Instead you postponed that crocheting project you meant to do (again), let your dishes pile up and did not do that blog post that you meant to do when your idea was at its peek, just because you got distracted. And then I ask myself “Am I a dog or something to get distracted with a little non relevant thing as a weird gross food that was traditionally eaten in asia five centuries ago??”. I mean, who cares really? I mean I have tons of books to read, I have creative projects to fuel and participate in, I have people to be with! Facebook gives such a false sense of being connected while in the end of the day you still crave connection with others. Yeah sure it is “easier” for us with anxiety to connect with people through such a medium, but in reality it doesn’t do us any good, it just makes our ability to connect in real life more numb. I want to talk to people while looking them in the eye, I want to hug people and be with them, I want to take walks with them, eat with them without the presence of a god damn phone. Yes we are more and more inclined to feel the need or even duty to reply to all the messages or emails instantly, but is that really living? It can all wait and I plan to use only two hours of my time for checking the emails and other media daily. I feel like that is a good enough goal for a start. One hour in the morning and one hour in the afternoon. If I have clients for readings that is a different thing of course, but that is productive work, connection on another level. But yes, this evening I am deactivating my facebook profile. I will still be posting here and on my instagram account. I will also keep you guys informed on how this no-facebook journey is going on my blog here. Yes it says “Journey into the tarot and beyond” but you know, this is my blog and I can write about other things too if I wish to, so fuck anyone who tries to be smart about it. I use tarot in my everyday life anyway, so basically tarot is my life, and this blog is about it. Take it or leave it cupcakes. Unapologetic. Now excuse me, while I go back to crocheting and singing along to Michael Bublé’s christmas songs. (Yes, yes, I am. I know it’s november. Who cares.)
Much love to you my hobgoblins and munchkins ❤
When you stay at home and don’t go to work because of health problems people always imagine you staying in bed with a fever unable to move or do anything. Then they meet you on the street dressed up taking a walk and think to themselves “What a bitch, she is lazy and a scammer! She isn’t sick at all!” On the other hand they do not know that you might be suffering from a chronic illness or an autoimmune disease which doesn’t show signs on the outside. Continue reading